Relationships

Oh people!!!!!

When I look back at the 6o years that I have lived on this planet, there are memories of numerous people with whom I have been close to, but either I moved on or the person moved on or life happened. This leaves me with just wisps of shadowy memories of them. The time I spent with those people gave me a lot of happiness at that time. It seemed like the friendship or bond would never end, but it did. The years just rolled by and at each stage there were these intense relationships or bonds, that either broke abruptly or just evaporated over the years. 

I remember  dear friends Punita and Kousalya from my school days  in St Anthonys, Mumbai. Punita was a Maharashtrian and she and I were among the shortest in class. So we sat together. Punita lived in a tiny house with many siblings, 2 sisters and 2 little brothers. We travelled to school together; we either walked to school or took the train. We stayed at Govandi and we had to alight at the next station chembur. Another close friend was Kousalya. Kousalya was a sindhi. Her uniforms were always well stitched and she always looked well "dressed", inspite of the constraints of a drab uniform. Kousalya was vivacious and always had a cute haircut, unlike us with our plaits. I also had couple of friends in my neighbourhood, they were Roshan, Kala and Kavitha. Out of these, Roshan was very close and we often spent time together after school. I stayed in touch with Roshan and she became my life long friend. But lost touch with Kala and Kavitha. 

Those days we had a 10+2 system in Mumbai, wherein the +2 had to be pursued in a 'junior college'. the junior college was usually part of a regular college.  After our 10th exams, I just lost touch with both Punitha and Kousalya. There was a frantic search for good junior colleges and with my 10th marks I was able to get admission in KJ Somaiya college, for my +2, where I had opted for physics, chemistry, maths and biology group. I ended up staying for just 1 year at KJ Somaiya. It was exciting to be in college after being in a girls convent. I instantly hit it off with a group of girls. +2 is also the time you are preparing for your college admissions, which for the ambitious ones was getting into medicine or engineering.... those days those seemed to be the only 2 alternatives if you are ambitious. As part of our preparation for the +2 exams I enrolled for coaching at Ramu tution classes at chembur, which is one station away from our home in Govandi. So I attended college till I think about 4 pm in the evening and the group of us landed at Chembur where they lived. We were so hungry at this time of day and headed straight to Gupta chats for delicious bhelpuri, panipuri, sev puri and dahi puri. After eating to our heart's fill, I headed for my tuitions and then reached home late in the evening after my tuitions. I really enjoyed this first year of my +2. It was at this time that my dad decided that I should join a better junior college, if I had to score good marks. Through his connections he secured admission for my 2nd year of +2, at SIES College in Ghatkopar. My friends were quite upset at losing a dear friend and tried convincing my parents that I stay at KJ Somaiya, which was to no avail That was the end of my fun one year friendship with those girls...I am ashamed to say that I don't even remember their names now. We did stay in touch for a while. I even attended the wedding of one them, which was done in traditional iyengar tradition. My year at SIES was tumultuous to say the least. I was upto my eyeballs with studying, college, tutions and adjusting to the academic rigor. I did not make any friends but only focused on my studies. I did fairly well in my +2 exams and then I had to choose between St Stephen for dentistry and two top pharmacy colleges. With my parent's guidance, pharmacy it was.

During my BPharm, my closest friend was Jyoti; though we had a larger circle with Raju Patkar, Girish and Nutan. Jyoti continued to be a close friend till my wedding. After that I attended her wedding too. With the lack of social media, 

Disease and Death

Recently the husband of a close friend of mine was diagnosed with gastric cancer which had metastised. Her neat and smoothly running life was suddenly shaken to its core with this disturbing news. It was like a giant hand just came and violently shook her boat of life. 
In my own life my aging mother's dementia and illnesses were extremely challenging to deal with. My brother who took care of her during the last years of her life, underwent severe mental and physical turmoil, as he dealt with the day to day caregiving which involved may emergency situations. At one point, she was being fed with a ryle tube, her oxygen had to be monitored, she developed fits and it was one emergency after another. I truly appreciate all the sacrifices that he and my sister in law had to make, to make my mother's last days as comfortable as possible.

Recently, a friend lost her sister, another friend lost her son and yet another friend lost her friend. All these deaths were unforeseen and without warning. 

Disease and death are very difficult for people to come to terms with, especially when it involves someone very close to them. Both these topics are also taboo in most normal conversations and shunned like the plague. Its only when people are placed in close proximity to these situations, that it hits them.

Paramhansa Yogananda says in "Whispers from Eternity", "Through Thy grace, I know that health and sickness, life and death, are but dreams. When I finish my dream-story of good dreams, and awaken behind the world-painted screen of delusion, I will behold Thee as the only Reality."

Paramhansa Yogananda says, The oft-dreaded natural death or change of the body is a deep sleep earned after a troubled existence or a life full of struggle and activity. Death is the pension earned after a long term of activity in the office of life. Death is cessation of pain."

However when a close family member or friend is involved, it is extremely unlikely to not feel the pain, the distress and the heartache. 

Here are some ways one can cope with the situation or provide solace to others who are going through such a situation. 

In case of a terminally ill patient, Ira Byock, author of Dying Well and a longtime hospice advocate, suggests that dying people and their families exchange these words with each other: I love you, I forgive you, Forgive me, Thank you, or Goodbye

Sometimes, dying people hold on to life because they sense that others aren’t ready to let them go. It is fine to tell loved ones that  it’s all right to let go when they're ready to do so. The assurance that their loved ones will be able to carry on—perhaps to help children grow or to fulfill another shared dream—may offer enormous relief.

When offering support to a bereaved one, one may be at a loss of words. One may not be sure what to say. Listening to them with an open mind, in a non judgmental manner may be helpful. 

Also remember that grief cannot be fixed. Listen with compassion if they open up. People are unique and grieve in their own way. If they do not want to talk, just sitting with them in silence is helpful too. Holding their hand or a hug is helpful too, if that is something they are ok with. 

If a friend or relative is having to take care of a sick family member, here are some things that you can say, that would help them:

1. I have been praying for..... How is everything going?
2. Let me know if I can help in any way. Please don't hesitate to ask. 
3. If you ever want to talk, I am here to listen. It can be hard for you handling this situation.
4. I can't imagine what you must be going through. My thoughts are with you and ......
5. Keep in touch. your family is strong and you will handle this situation. If you need help please call...

I would like to conclude by sharing powerful healing prayers and affirmations  of Paramhansa Yogananda.  You can repeat these prayers or affirmations and sincere, open hearted repetitions of these words, with firm faith and receptivity can bring peace and healing. 

O Heavenly Father, Thou art in this affected bodily part. It is well, for Thou art there.

 O Heavenly Father, Thou art perfect; I am made in Thine image: therefore I, too, am perfect.

O Spirit, Thou art in me, I am well. O Spirit, Thou art in (him/her.)(He/She) is well.

“I will, with my own will, which flows from the Divine Will, to be healthy, to be well, to be prosperous and spiritual, to be well, to be well.”