Disease and Death

Recently the husband of a close friend of mine was diagnosed with gastric cancer which had metastised. Her neat and smoothly running life was suddenly shaken to its core with this disturbing news. It was like a giant hand just came and violently shook her boat of life. 
In my own life my aging mother's dementia and illnesses were extremely challenging to deal with. My brother who took care of her during the last years of her life, underwent severe mental and physical turmoil, as he dealt with the day to day caregiving which involved may emergency situations. At one point, she was being fed with a ryle tube, her oxygen had to be monitored, she developed fits and it was one emergency after another. I truly appreciate all the sacrifices that he and my sister in law had to make, to make my mother's last days as comfortable as possible.

Recently, a friend lost her sister, another friend lost her son and yet another friend lost her friend. All these deaths were unforeseen and without warning. 

Disease and death are very difficult for people to come to terms with, especially when it involves someone very close to them. Both these topics are also taboo in most normal conversations and shunned like the plague. Its only when people are placed in close proximity to these situations, that it hits them.

Paramhansa Yogananda says in "Whispers from Eternity", "Through Thy grace, I know that health and sickness, life and death, are but dreams. When I finish my dream-story of good dreams, and awaken behind the world-painted screen of delusion, I will behold Thee as the only Reality."

Paramhansa Yogananda says, The oft-dreaded natural death or change of the body is a deep sleep earned after a troubled existence or a life full of struggle and activity. Death is the pension earned after a long term of activity in the office of life. Death is cessation of pain."

However when a close family member or friend is involved, it is extremely unlikely to not feel the pain, the distress and the heartache. 

Here are some ways one can cope with the situation or provide solace to others who are going through such a situation. 

In case of a terminally ill patient, Ira Byock, author of Dying Well and a longtime hospice advocate, suggests that dying people and their families exchange these words with each other: I love you, I forgive you, Forgive me, Thank you, or Goodbye

Sometimes, dying people hold on to life because they sense that others aren’t ready to let them go. It is fine to tell loved ones that  it’s all right to let go when they're ready to do so. The assurance that their loved ones will be able to carry on—perhaps to help children grow or to fulfill another shared dream—may offer enormous relief.

When offering support to a bereaved one, one may be at a loss of words. One may not be sure what to say. Listening to them with an open mind, in a non judgmental manner may be helpful. 

Also remember that grief cannot be fixed. Listen with compassion if they open up. People are unique and grieve in their own way. If they do not want to talk, just sitting with them in silence is helpful too. Holding their hand or a hug is helpful too, if that is something they are ok with. 

If a friend or relative is having to take care of a sick family member, here are some things that you can say, that would help them:

1. I have been praying for..... How is everything going?
2. Let me know if I can help in any way. Please don't hesitate to ask. 
3. If you ever want to talk, I am here to listen. It can be hard for you handling this situation.
4. I can't imagine what you must be going through. My thoughts are with you and ......
5. Keep in touch. your family is strong and you will handle this situation. If you need help please call...

I would like to conclude by sharing powerful healing prayers and affirmations  of Paramhansa Yogananda.  You can repeat these prayers or affirmations and sincere, open hearted repetitions of these words, with firm faith and receptivity can bring peace and healing. 

O Heavenly Father, Thou art in this affected bodily part. It is well, for Thou art there.

 O Heavenly Father, Thou art perfect; I am made in Thine image: therefore I, too, am perfect.

O Spirit, Thou art in me, I am well. O Spirit, Thou art in (him/her.)(He/She) is well.

“I will, with my own will, which flows from the Divine Will, to be healthy, to be well, to be prosperous and spiritual, to be well, to be well.”